The boy leaf confessed to the girl leaf that he was fall-ing in love with her.
If you can join the seas and the rivers, why not join your lips and mine?
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
Excuse me, do you happen to have a Band-Aid? ‘Cause I scraped my knees falling for you.
An error has occurred, please try again!
Oh sorry but my system can't process something beautiful like you.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
Baby, you rock my world!
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
I heard you are a goalkeeper, can you keep me forever?
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Your pace or mine?
What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
Is there a fireman around? Because you are smoking hot.
A crossword compiler named Moss,
Who found himself quite at a loss.
When asked, Why so blue?
Said, I haven’t a clue
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Sorry, but I can only be with you twice.
That's Now...and Forever.
"Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose."
- Whitney Cummings.
Can you hold my gloves for me? I usually wear them by the fireplace, but you are way hotter.
Ever wonder what's happening under Orion's belt?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I can’t believe,
You’re a monkey too
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
I Tour de Francy you.
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
As my wife was giving birth, all the doctors and nurses started yelling, “Push! Push!”
I was convinced it was a Pull door.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Affogato? Afforgeto where I am when I'm with you.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
I think it would be hot if we f**ked other people. Exclusively.
I sure hope you know set theory, ’cause I wanna intersect and union with you.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
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