What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to my prayers.
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t exactly well rounded.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite Beatles song?
The Ghoul on the Hill!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Baby if you were a burger at McDonalds you would be a McGorgeous.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Have you heard about the chef on space station? He’s not that much of an astronaut, but his food is literally out of this world!
Hey girl, are you a defibrillator? Cause you’re sending shocks straight to my heart.
Are you a sweet honeybee? Because you have stung me in the heart
Is it hot in here - or is it just you?
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
Is it hot in here, or is that just the Holy Spirit burning in you?
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” – Dave Attell
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."
— Bill Murray
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
What’s the difference between a football (soccer) referee and a politician?
When the referee gets paid at least someone wins.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
You know you’re getting old when…
When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you a nice day.
I’m a raindrop and I’m falling for you.
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