What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.

Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?

What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins

I’m kind of a big dill.

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!

I used to have wavy hair... Turns out it was waving goodbye.

Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).

What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla

What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.

A circus performer named Brian,
Once smiled as he rode on a lion.
They came back from the ride,
But with Brian inside,
And the smile on the face of the lion.

So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"

I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.
I was in shambles.

Snow on and snow forth.

I was kidnapped by mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.

I'm so good at being interrogated.
I can do it blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back.

“We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”
— Unknown

"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."

How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.

The Earth without 'art'...
....is 'EH'

How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.

Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.

How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.

Happy St. Cat-rick’s day!

Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.

My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.

I C Major potential in us getting together.

It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.

What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
DAMn!

What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.

If you gave me a penny for my thoughts I’d have just one penny, because i only think about one thing and that’s you.

What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."

Don’t be elfish.

"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld

There was an Old Person of Bangor,
Whose face was distorted with anger!
He tore off his boots,
And subsisted on roots,
That irascible Person of Bangor.

Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.

I've been dying to go to Greece on vacation.
But all they serve is bar food.

What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.

What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.

Sometimes we eat when we’re hungry
Or else when we’re just in the mood,
But everyone’s habits are different
In how we relate to our food.

There are 3 meals-a-day folk as well as
The ones who skip breakfast or lunch
And grazers who nibble for most of the day
Or snackers who in-between munch.

There are people with junk food addictions
And those who shun pork, beef or fish,
While the gluten or carb-free among us
Pay attention to what’s in each dish.

As for sweets, that’s a whole other story –
When you think about ice cream or pie
Or the various candies and chocolates
Without which some could never get by.

Just consider your own way of eating
With the foods you enjoy or you sneak
And you’ll realize, if you broach the subject,
That our diets are all most unique!

(Ilene Bauer)

Do you like sales? Because if you're looking for a good one, clothing is 100% off at my place.

In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!

My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.

What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.

I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.

Crash courses for private pilots - The Daily Telegraph

When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.

Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.

In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach