Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
“When asked about my hiking plan I answered “Let’s summit up”.”
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
You’re my #1 pick.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Which superhero likes spring the best?
Robin.
I’m concerned you just might be my poison, Ivy
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
Nina.
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
You must be a C major scale... All natural.
“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.”
- Edith Sitwell
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
Easter this year is April Fools Day
Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
"Every bunny was kung fu fighting."
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
"Yoda one for me."
Hey baby, can I get your phone number? Oops, too late.
Babe, you are like my right temporoparietal areas: I’d be lost without you.
Are you Vietnamese? Cause I'm falling pho you.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Video games never made me angry or want to hurt people.
Working in customer service already did that.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
You are my semicolon; always present in everything I do.
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
Are you my homework? Because I’m not doing you, even though I should.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
There was an Old Person of Buda,
Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder;
Till at last, with a hammer,
They silenced his clamour,
By smashing that Person of Buda.
Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little money for the movies.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Feliz navi-dog!”
Do you climb? Because baby I can be your rock
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Is it solipsistic in here?
Or is it just me?
Go to BabaMail
