What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Crossbows are great, but they have their drawbacks.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
The only thing that is black and white and has to be red all over is a newspaper.
What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
Thank you for making our relationship sweet rather than a rocky road.
Thank brew very much.
I'm reading a romance book in Braille.
I don't think I'll finish. It's too touchy feely for me.
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
I have been expelled from the Flat Earth Society.
Apparently, I went too far.
“How to get a yoga body: 1. Have a body 2. Do yoga.” – Unknown
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Hey baby, I just found out our shirts were manufactured in unfair working conditions; let's take them off.
Autumn is full of pumpkins, it is a gourd-geous time of the year.
“Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.”
Stanley from The Office
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
I have a serious love-heat relationship with summer.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don’t eat with your mouth full!
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Girl, you must be norepinephrine because you make my heart race.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
What do you call the mushy stuff between a great white shark's teeth?
Slow swimmers.
"What's the the best thing about living in Switzerland?"
"I don't know, but the flag's a big plus."
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