Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!
Billy Connolly
What's the difference between a colorful women's garment and a famous live music venue?
One's a house of blues, the other's a blouse of hues.
My Grandad asked me how to print. I said "Control P"
He said: "I haven't been able to do that for years!"
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Do you know what my shirt is made of? Husband material.
Have you heard about the chef on space station? He’s not that much of an astronaut, but his food is literally out of this world!
A teacher sees a knife in Jimmy's backpack
"Don't worry sir, it's only a kitchen knife."
"And that?"
"Kitchen gun."
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
Ham and Eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K?
Because you can't C in the dark.
What painting is terrible at ever being happy? The Moaning Lisa.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
Arrrr. Wanna search me for buried treasure?
Are you cake? Cause I want a piece of that.
My love for you is like an exponential curve. It’s unbounded.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
Q: Why did the purple family have to move out?
A: They were plum too loud, excessively violet with one another, and were fuschiatives of the law.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
"You crack me up."
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
I hate to Gauguin, but I have to catch my flight.
I wish I was a pronoun so I could be the direct object of your affection!
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
Ireland is a little lamb-boyant.
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Go to BabaMail
