If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What kind of chocolate do ghouls like?
Hearse-sheys!
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
“I couldn’t help but notice that you look a lot like my next girlfriend.”
- Will Smith, Hitch (2005)
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
— Oprah Winfrey
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
According to Newton’s law of universal gravitation, If I’m attracted to you, then you’re attracted to me.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
I Ecuador you.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
Ommmm... let's meet up in our spirit form.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
You're not just some bunny... you're my bunny.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
You must be peanut butter because you're making my legs feel like jelly.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
I know somebody who likes you but if I weren’t so shy I would tell you who.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
You asked me what love was and I did not know how to answer it. Now I know it's a feeling that can not be mastered.
Dublin over in laughter.
Saw what I thought was a large dog coloring Easter eggs.
Turned out to be a dyer wolf.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them has a watch.
"What time do you think it is?" one of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise," says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyway. After a few seconds of screaming, a light turns on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
Child’s Death Ruins Couple’s Holiday
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
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