Beach, please.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
"I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'"
- Gwyneth Paltrow
My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
You must be phylum because you seem to be above class.
I'm sorry I wasn't around in the past. Can I be part of your future?
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Ain’t no mountain high enough to keep me from you.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
"I would hop to the end of the world for you."
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
Why is horse racing so romantic?
Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.”
— Unknown
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
I just held a huge Thor party for my son's 5th birthday.
He got overwhelmed because I guess he wanted something a little more Loki.
You are aged to perfection.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
A tennis ball walks into a bar.
The bar man asks: “have you been served?”
We're like a 4-Leaf clover. You're the C and I'm the R, and there's love in between us.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Tropic like it's hot.
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.
Go to BabaMail
