What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What do you think
The bravest drink
Under the sky?”
“Strong beer,” said I.
“There’s a place for everything,
Everything, anything,
There’s a place for everything
Where it ought to be:
For a chicken, the hen’s wing;
For poison, the bee’s sting;
For almond-blossom, Spring;
A beerhouse for me.”
“There’s a prize for everyone,
Everyone, anyone,
There’s a prize for everyone,
Whoever he may be:
Crags for the mountaineer,
Flags for the Fusilier,
For English poets, beer!
Strong beer for me!
(Robert Graves)
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
When NASA will put 20 heads of cattle into the outer space, it will be the 1st herd shot around the entire world.
If coloured caterpillars could change their colours constantly could they keep their coloured coat coloured properly?
I memorized the first 300 digits of pi. If you gave me the 7 digits of your phone number, I could memorize them too.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
"I hear voices, too. Voices that say, 'If you don't kiss her soon, you're a chump.'"
- Jimmy Stewart, You Can't Take It with You (1938)
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
I hate it when the grammar Nazis single me out.
It seems like a which hunt.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
A place under Government
Was all that Paddy wanted.
He married soon a scolding wife,
And thus his wish was granted.
(Anonymous)
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
Are you a bank loan? Well, you’ve certainly got my interest.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? Because he thought his wife was a flake.
I'll put a tear drop in the ocean. When you find it is when I'll stop loving you.
What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve? A pack of batteries with a note saying "toy not included".
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you a nice day.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Robviously, I couldn’t help but ask you out
Well, I’m definitely Madel-interested
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and people who love you. And I don't love chocolate.
Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus.
What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects? A con artist.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
After watching me read “War and Peace”, my son asked me, “Dad, why is the book so thick?”
Me: Well, it’s a long story.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To knock-knock on the door, walk into the bar, and change the lightbulb.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
No wonder the sky is gray- all the color is in your eyes.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
Amazingly, antelope stew,
Is supposedly better for you.
Than a goulash of rat,
Or Hungarian cat,
But I guess that something you knew.
The expiration date says "best if used by tonight." Can I make you dinner?
What are the 3 rules of Golf? If the ball goes right it's a slice, if the ball goes left it's a hook, and it the ball goes straight it's a miracle.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
What is a frog’s favorite drink on a hot summer day?
Croak-o-cola.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
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