I’m a 30-60-90 triangle and you’re a 40-40-90 triangle – we’re just right for each other.
There was a Young Lady of Tyre,
Who swept the loud chords of a lyre;
At the sound of each sweep
She enraptured the deep,
And enchanted the city of Tyre.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
I wish I was your coronary artery so that I could be wrapped around your heart.
"Great minds drink alike."
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
“Aries: You can't handle me even if I came with instructions.”
If Princess Toad looked liked you, I would have killed Bowser years ago.
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
Your fragrance lights up my life.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!
“I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults’ table. That’s ’cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.” —Andre Kelley
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
Why did the Easter bunny fire the duck?
He kept quacking all the eggs.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
There was an Old Person of Buda,
Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder;
Till at last, with a hammer,
They silenced his clamour,
By smashing that Person of Buda.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Someone said you were looking for me.
Is that the Helix Nebula I’m currently observing? Oh sorry! That’s your eyes.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
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