"Oh, I wanna dance with some bunny, with some bunny who loves me."
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Let's hang out sometime. You bring your beaker and I'll bring my stirring rod.
I went on a mission trip and all I ended up doing was mission you.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
My name is Romeo, will you be my Juliet?
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
When a young adult goes to take a leak, does that mean they're a peenager?
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Howl.
Howl who?
Howl you know if you don't open the door?
I'm training to be an anesthetist, so I asked the head surgeon "Can I practice on my self first?"
He said "Sure, knock yourself out!"
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
Because 6, 7, 8.
What do ghouls say to each other before heading out for Halloween?
May the ghouls be with you!
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
Air resistance is a real drag.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
"There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's."
- Clyde Moore
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
I'd drink your bathwater.
Cutie, you must be a red blood cell because you take the oxygen away from my lungs and send it straight to my heart.
Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
“If you start drinking now, Thanksgiving could be a lot of fun.” — Conan O’Brien
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Are you an alien? Because you just abducted my heart.
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
I didn't believe in predestination until I met you.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
Sorry, I would’ve called sooner but my phone overheated...
I guess you’re just too hot for this dating app!
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