You're the thought that counts!
Charles Dickens might have given you Great Expectations, but I can meet them.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
What do you think is a frog’s favorite summertime treat?
Hopsicles!
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Jerry Seinfeld
You might as well go for a younger guy. Why?
They never mature anyway.
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
What do you call a broken can opener?
A can't opener
How do you get a man to have the best orgasm possible?
Who cares?
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.
They were Wright.
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's out of business. And, speaking of Hershey's, how about a kiss?
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
If you wake up in a RED room, with no windows or doors, don't be alarmed, you're just in my heart.
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
I went to an Easter party as a Jesus cosplayer
I told them I was a crossplayer.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
As a substitute teacher, I get up every morning and ask myself the important questions in life; Who am I? Where am I going?
And then I check with the school to find out.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
“Fan the sinking flame of hilarity with the wing of friendship; and pass the rosy wine.”
— Charles Dickens
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
Erase erratic bat from your vocabulary because I am as functional as they come.
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
“Good Morning! Open your mouth wide! I’ll just keep going and put that coffee right in there!”
– Unknown
Go to BabaMail
