How many snacks could a snack stacker stack, if a snack stacker snacked stacked snacks?
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Howie.
Howie who?
Howie gonna hide this affair from your husband?
That's right; I'm as breathtaking as the Sydney Tower.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
We’re not socks, but we make an excellent pair.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
Is it hot in here, or is that just the Holy Spirit burning in you?
Do you have a pencil? Cause I want to erase your past and write our future.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
I think we'd grow a great organic garden together.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
Are those Guess jeans? Because guess who wants to get into them.
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
It's all over town!
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
What's the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
An etymologist knows the difference.
My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
“Good morning. Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police hurry up, it’s chilly outside!
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
I love you a tot!
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
After his teeth were cleaned, the werewolf ate the dentist.
I heard you are a goalkeeper, can you keep me forever?
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
What do you say if you lose a game on St. Patrick's Day?
Game clover.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Can I take a picture of you so Santa knows what I want for Christmas?
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
What do you call a mathematician's spouse?
Their significant figure.
I don't have a Christmas list, cuz you're already the best gift.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” She asked, pointing to a word on the page.
“Si, está.”
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan." — Leopold Fetchner
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