Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!
Easter and April Fools fall on the same day this year...
You could say it only happens once in a blue moon.
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
Honey, are you a drummer? Because you can make my heart skip a beat.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
What does an artist call his sketch pad? A house.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
You're the sinoatrial node of my heart. Without you, even a defibrillator won't save me.
Pies aren't the new cupcakes, baby. You are.
Your smile must be a black hole. Nothing can escape its pull.
All punts are highly intended
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Are you a model?
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Frankenstein entered a body-building competition…
And soon found he had seriously misunderstood the objective.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
I was gonna tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
Say what you want about waiters, but I think they bring a lot to the table.
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder. They pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin
Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
If you were a puck, I'd never shoot. Because I would always miss you.
This is the first year I’m not going to Italy because of the coronavirus.
Normally I don’t go because I’m poor.
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A mouseketeer!
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
I can't stand stair lifts.
They drive me up the wall!
Footballers love one specific type of tea; penal-tea.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
The furniture store saleswoman keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
Go to BabaMail
