Knock knock.
Who’s there?
An extraterrestrial.
An extraterrestrial who?
Wait, how many extraterrestrials do you know?
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words to me before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said, 'Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?
When I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flower, my teacher said I was the perfect roll-model.
How will you have communion in the space if you won’t have mass?
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
Ever wonder what's happening under Orion's belt?
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts.
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
Milk does the body good, but damn how much did you drink?
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
I’m browsing the winter-net.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
As I taped a piranha to my boomerang, I thought,
"This will come back to bite me."
"I have so many egg puns, it's not even bunny."
Do you know why you need to get up early? Because you’re the sunshine.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
The last four letters of 'queue' are not silent
They're just waiting their turn.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Did you see the display of still-life art? It was not at all moving.
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
Are you Jewish? Cause you IS RAELI HOT.
What’s Austrian and took over France?
Croissants.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
Do you like hot foods
If so, you definitely are what you eat.
Why did the other volleyball team bow? Because they heard that the queens of the court were there.
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