What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Wanna make out in my Tundra Buggy?
How about you and I form a binary system?
Permission to board?
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
Are you into salads? Because I think I'm falling in lovage.
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes
But that's Heinz sight.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
I'm sorry I had an accident...
I slipped and fell right into your heart.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
Biology - The only science where multiplication and division are the same thing.
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
"It's a hill. Get over it."
From a runner's T-shirt
By the seat of one’s punt
Boy: You know quickie has u And i together.
Girl: Too bad ugly starts with a u.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
My Creeper gets excited when it sees how hot you look.(Minecraft)
I'd spend Tuesdays with Morrie, but baby, I'd spend every day with you.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
I don’t need to be a doctor to diagnose you with acute smile.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.” -Unknown
This love feels like floating endlessly in outer space and looking for your pretty lost smiles.
Hey summer, long time no sea!
What did the icy road say to the car?
“Want to go for a spin?”
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
What do you call a whirlwind winter romance?
Love at frost sight!
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
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