Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What’s your go to order at a bar? Mine is A Big Ale
“Fine! You guys can all be beautiful snowflakes! I’m gonna go over here and be an awkward snowflake!”
― Robyn Schneider
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
We’re a perfect mash.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
Hey is your name Cameron? Cuz I’d love a Camera-n to capture that gorgeous face of yours.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Sadie.
Sadie who?
Sadie magic word and watch me disappear!
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
I hate to Gauguin, but I have to catch my flight.
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
You looking at me is making me turn as red as that roasted beet salad.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
What can you find in the middle of April and March but not at the beginning or end of either?
The letter R!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Genoa bout the bridge collapse in Italy?
Ah well, we won't go over it then.
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