What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
The paddy don’t start till I walk in.
When the going gets tough, let the pins fall where they may.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
I need more than 140 characters to tell you how beautiful you are.
What do you think is a frog’s favorite summertime treat?
Hopsicles!
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
Girl sat on a swing.
Trying to sing a song for god.
Missing him, not me.
Why is spring a great time to start a gardening business?
Because it’s the season when you can really rake in the cash.
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
Sorry for stating the obvious
But you look good!
It’s been a few years since the invisible man married the invisible woman.
Their kids are nothing to look at.
The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play
but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blond hair.
We begged him to dye it black, but he refused.
After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty.
What happened to you?
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Wow, you feel like a comet, you are a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I’m glad I didn’t miss it. Can I buy you a drink?
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Hey girl, I won't be able to see you for the next few weeks.
I'm giving up sweet things for Lent.
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
"If found on ground, please drag to finish line."
From a runner's T-shirt
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress. -- Ronald Reagan
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
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