Tinkle, Tinkle little car
How I wonder what you are.
Leaking oil every day
Having it your own way.
Going up hills real slow
I don’t want you any mo’.
Tinkle, Tinkle little car
Boy, what a lemon you are.
(Cecilia L. Goodbody)
Green glass globes glow greenly.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
“Beverly Hills is very exclusive. For instance, their fire department won’t make house calls.”
Mort Sahl
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Do you mind if I slip my rope under your route?
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
"Real gardeners buy at least ten thousand plants in the course of a lifetime without having the least idea where they'll put any of them when they get home."
— Anonymous
I heard your beauty inspired an artistic movement called "perfectionism".
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
The garden where only white cars are driven can be called a garden of white carnation.
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why did the chicken cross the busy road?
It was feeling clucky.
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Your name must be Summer because you are hot.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
He thought he saw a job.
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Feeling my shelf.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
Go to BabaMail
