Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”
— Unknown
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
Talk literary to me.
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
My professor accused me of plagiarizing.
His words, not mine.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What's a pun's best trait?
His pun-ctuality!
Hey girl, are you a pulmonary embolism?
Because you're making me breathless.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
You just caused a heat wave.
Wow, you're so cool in this hot weather that my freezer is jealous of you.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
If I had a dime for every time I heard this joke, I’d have a dime. Never heard this one before!
You’re like a dictionary—you add meaning to my life.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Wait until you see my thunda from down unda!
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
My grandfather had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Central Park Zoo.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
You’re my heartthrob.
You couldn't cut the s*xual tension in here with a Yellowknife.
French history is nothing to Lafayette at.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
Go to BabaMail
