Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.
Girl, you must be norepinephrine because you make my heart race.
“I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday.”
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do?
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Q: How do Japanese artists bid farewell?
A: Cyan-Nara!
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
Are you from Mars? Because your a** is out of this world!
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“I don’t like when I'm all stress-free and peacefully relaxing on the couch and then, out of nowhere, Monday comes along and punches you right off the couch!”
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Pursuing phantoms
Came in the night
From hells realm
Making me take flight
I was so mortally scared
I needed a Bracer
And I quickly followed it
With a Chaser
Though spirituous liquors’
Have their merits
They were no defence
Against evil spirits
- Paul Curtis
Owl always love you.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
What did one plate say to his friend? Tonight, dinner’s on me!
Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.
I’ve never seen a sleeker frame.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered in a Secondhand Shop.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What will you call a crazy spaceman? An astronaut.
“Apologizing in advance for the things I say this winter.”
What do we call the basketball team that won the donuts championships? – dunkin donuts.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."
A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Go to BabaMail
