There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
I really can't finish a box of strawberries all by myself, Would you like to share with me over some wine?
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
Winston Churchill
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
I rushed to my local hospital only to find that it had been converted into a library
Talk about having to suffer in silence
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
If an astronaut steps on chewing gum then what will happen to him? He will simply be stuck on the Orbit.
I’d check your blood sugar, but you’re sweet enough.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
Here comes the sun of my life
Can I have directions?
To your heart.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I'm no Joseph. Perhaps you can help me interpreting the dreams I've been having about you?
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Why are birthdays good for you?
People who have the most live the longest.
I am a dog.
And you are a flower.
I lift my leg up.
And give you a shower!
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Are you crippling depression and anxiety? Because you haunt me at every waking hour.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
My girlfriend left me because all I do is talk about football.
I'm so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
I was arrested by the grammar police for not using the full stop correctly.
I am now looking at a long sentence.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
“You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.”
– Laurence J. Peter
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
You’re the Higgs boson particle of my life… Because without you, my universe wouldn’t “matter.”
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