"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
Girl, want to watch me play? I never miss the target.
Just so you know I have a ref full of chocolate, a couch and good films at my house.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
No wonder the sky is gray- all the color is in your eyes.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football game.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
You must be from Paris, because you're driving me in Seine.
Is your dad an Italian thief? Because you just stole a pizza my heart.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
I was at my hotel in Spain and wasn't feeling well.
Reception said they had a doctor on staff.
The doctor asked me lots of questions and I was then feeling much better.
I told reception I didn't expect a hotel would have a doctor on staff
They said it was a Spanish Inn Physician
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
You’re wine in a million.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
I’m a man at a farmers' market. Of course, I’m a catch.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
Go to BabaMail
