Hey girl, I put the stud in Bible study.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Sorry, did you fart? You blow me away!
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
Nice asteroids.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I cannot espresso
how much you mean to me.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
“Sunday morning my head is bad. But it's worth all the time I had. But I've got to go and get some rest. For Monday is a mess!”
– Dave Bartholomew, Blue Monday
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
Boy, are you Elvis Presley? Because lord almighty I feel my temperature rising
‘Tis the sea-sun to be jolly.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Giving me your number sounds like a fair trade.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
A fellow jumped off a high wall,
And had a most terrible fall.
He went back to bed,
With a bump on his head,
That's why you don't jump off a wall.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
"My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door."
— Willie Geist
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
I think you might be a star because I can’t stop orbiting around you.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
My son asked, "Dad, what are condoms for?"
"Usually to avoid answering questions like these," I replied.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
Even if I was T-Rex, I would find a way to hug you.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
This book of spells was useless. The author forgot to run spell check.
“Sometimes I’m so tired, I look down at what I’m wearing, and if it’s comfortable enough to sleep in, I don’t even make it into my pajamas. I’m looking down, and I’m like T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that’s pajama-y. Good night.”
Rebecca Romijn
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
It's lit.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Go to BabaMail
