C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
My love is like a fractal. It goes on forever!
When I'm old and mankey.
I'll never use a hanky.
I'll wee on plants.
and soil my pants!
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?
"I guess you had to be there."
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
"No eggs-cuses."
People gave the sun a rating.
It was only one star.
There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.
Kind of.. Kung Fusing
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
Woddy Allen
Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
Knock knock.
Come in.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”
Betty White
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
“Yoga. Because punching people is frowned upon.” — Anonymous
If athletes can get “Athletes foot”, what can astronauts get? Missile Toe.
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. -- Mark Twain
Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Why did the Communist wait till the last minute to cross the road?
He was Stalin.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Are you backpacker? ‘Cause you got this whole “being attractive” thing in the bag.
“Yoga pants. Because jeans are stressful and you don’t need that in your life.” -Unknown
Do you like math? No? Me neither. In fact, the only number I care about is yours.
My doctor told me I have a Vitamin D deficiency. Wanna go back to my place and save me?
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
Why did the blonde run backward?
She wanted to gain weight.
I’ve never experienced having my dream come true, until the day I met you.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time?
Really good acid.
Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
Go to BabaMail
