When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? -- Quentin Crisp
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
“If you fall, I’ll be there. Love, Your Mat” -Unknown
You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious.
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
Because there was a KFC on the other side.
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Hey baby, I just found out our shirts were manufactured in unfair working conditions; let's take them off.
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.” -Unknown
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
You cannot strike it, if you don’t try it.
What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor?
Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.
I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone for so long but then it finally dawned on me.
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
They’re always a little short.
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
I hope you know CPR because you take my breath away.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
“I’ve drank multiple cups of coffee, and Monday isn’t looking any better. Hey – give me a beer. Let’s see if that helps.”
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
Hi, my name is Will. God's Will.
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbor is dead against it.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
Baby, I am only tempted by two things: you and chocolate.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
Shoe laces.
Must attack at once.
Didn't know that was you.
My Little Chocolate Mess
Bathwater and bubbles are waiting,
but my child is nowhere near.
Yet, I can see from cookie crumbs,
he's crawled from here to there.
Oh, yes! he's been in the kitchen.
I see his crooked crumb trail,
which leads to our white kitten,
with a chocolate, sticky tail!
In every room I search
for my little chocolate mess.
Then, I find him in the my bedroom,
with his hands on my new dress!
(Darlene Gifford)
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Go to BabaMail
