All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
"I never eat November’s snowflakes, I always wait until December.” – Lucy from television show Peanuts
Who’s ready to party their shamrocks off?
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
What should you get Lassie, the star of the hit TV show, for Valentine's Day?
A cauliflower.
“I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.” – Terri Guillemets
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state-of-the-art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.
They're calling it Mercedes-clenz.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Roses are red, my face is too, this only happens when I cycle with you.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
I'd make like Jacob and work seven years for you to be my bride.
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
Did you know you can hear the blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
What’s the biggest difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
On one you’re thankful but on the other you’re prankful.
Rudder valve reversals
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What happened when a man practiced archery near some stationary planes? They ended up very arrow-dynamic.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
Roses are red
violets are blue.
You may not know this but
I’m falling for you.
Hmm, there seems to be a kiss of mint in this blend. How about a real kiss, just to be sure?
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses."
- Thomas Dewar
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
You remind me of my last biking accident. Because I am going head over heels for you.
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