What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
You know you’re getting old when…
You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's Dog? Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
If I am a GPS, will you take me running every day?
I wasn’t sure if I should make the first move… but I was raised to never Jack down from an opportunity
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
I’ve always thought that heck is the only thing hotter than the sun but that has all changed today.
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
“You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”
- 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting'.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
I feel like we’re developing some good chemis-tree.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”
- Paul Reiser.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
- Alyson Hannigan.
"You're perfect in every way, just not for me."
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
It's all over town!
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
Lost at sea? I'm not shore.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
To me, you’re just like hydrogen because you’re number 1!
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
You are so right. And I am so left.
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” —Irv Kupcinet
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
Hey, I just got my flight number. I'm just missing your phone number.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Go to BabaMail
