What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
“Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.”
- P. J. O’Rourke
What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? A lawsuit.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
I hope you have an absolutely fin-tastic day!
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
"Do you have a cell phone I could use?"
"Why?"
"Someone has to call God and tell him that one of his angels is missing."
- Couples Retreat (2009)
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Something in the way you move attracts me like no other
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Heaven called, they're missing an Angel.
Real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
“Winter is not a season, it’s an occupation.” — Sinclair Lewis
If you're Russian when you go to the bathroom, and you're Finnish when you come out of it, what are you when you're inside?
European!
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Rocker.
I think I've just found one.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
Man: What do math and my dick have in common? They're both hard for you
Woman: You must be a math problem because you're annoying and difficult. I don't wanna solve your problems for you.
As for beauty I am not a star,
There are others much more handsome by far.
But my face - I don't mind it,
For I am behind it,
It's the people in front that I jar.
Is your name Alice? ‘cause baby I can show you Wonderland.
We make a great pear
Is there wifi in here? Because I feel we have a strong connection.
Hey baby, do you have some bug spray? Because I have butterflies in my tummy.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
The moto of their school bowling team was ‘let’s knock em down’.
I’ve always thought that heck is the only thing hotter than the sun but that has all changed today.
If I won a million dollars, I'd give a quarter of it to charity.
Not sure what I'd do with the other $999,999.75
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you are Cu-Te.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
If you gave me a penny for my thoughts I’d have just one penny, because i only think about one thing and that’s you.
If we were chromosomes, you’d be my homologous pair.
I'm an endurance athlete. Think you can stand the HIIT?
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
It was Halloween and
We were on our way to a party
They were both dressed as vampires
And I was Professor Moriarty
We stopped at the supermarket
But didn’t have any cash
So we thought we’d steal some booze
Then make a dash
The bottles we wanted
Were on the very top of the racks
Which we couldn’t reach
So I had to stand on their backs
Once I had the bottles
Dracula hid them under his cape
And without drawing attention
We casually made our escape
But we were caught on CCTV
A very clear image by all accounts
I was charged with shoplifting
On two counts.
- Paul Curtis
Go to BabaMail
