Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
The coffee shop owner was afraid. He wanted to know if the shop had ground to operate in the black.
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
What is a mathematician's favorite part of a big Thanksgiving feast?
Pumpkin pi.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture bedtime.
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
May I ride your broomstick? I lost mine.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
How rare is an excellent father?
Legen-daddy
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What sound do hedgehogs make when they kiss?
Ouch
What's an prisoners favorite battery? Duracell Why are inmates so angry all the time? Cause they have bad cell service.
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.
I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
“Running: Cheaper than therapy.”
-seen on runner’s T-shirt
You must be a ninja, because you snuck into my heart
It’s always a good idea to make friends with babies. That’s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.
I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday to you!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Thin grippy thick slippery.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
You don't need reflective gear, darling. Who could ever miss you?
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Some bunny loves you.
“Santa’s beard is so long because he’s bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?”
I asked my Italian grandfather if the rougher parts of Italy were called the spaghetto.
His look was pasty.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
I checked the meat thermometer, and you’re officially one hot bird.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
Hey, do you still remember me? Oh, that’s right. We only met in my dreams.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
Go to BabaMail
