"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
Feeling my shelf.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
I asked a French man if he played video games
He said, "Wii."
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
I was wondering if you like science because I have had my ion you for some time.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
What genre of music do elves love to listen to? Wrap.
The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fossil
Fossil who?
Fossil last time, open the door!
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
- Will you marrow me?
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
They say that she only paints night scenes. Other artists really pale by comparison.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
tl;dr
They differ in hue.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
Check your shelf before you wreck your shelf.
You look pretty fun, I hope this means I’m headed into a new S-era of good luck
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
Are you a beaver? Because I like your tail.
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