My foot isn't the only part of me that's lucky!
After the doctor finished up with my prostrate exam the nurse came in and said three words I didn’t want to hear...
“Who was that?”
Hey, are you Cinderella because I see that dress disappearing at midnight.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
I am a mean green machine.
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard and taking poops on my flower bed.
His dog is not as bad.
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
I think there'll be a ferry-tale ending to this trip.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
- Natalie Wood.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
I tripped in France.
Eiffel over.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
I just pooped in my bed. Can I sleep in yours?
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
What genre of music do elves love to listen to? Wrap.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
We should make like your parents and split.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
I want your flesh rocket in my hot pocket.
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Girl, want to watch me play? I never miss the target.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I'd consider sleeping with you.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Go to BabaMail
