Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
How does one astronaut says sorry on the moon tell another astronaut? He Apollo-gises.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
In Spain, you should not develop a program beyond 2.0.
Because that would be over dos.
My wife left me because she thinks I'm too insecure...
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
What do you call a hangover when you're alone in Spain?
Barf-a-lona.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words to me before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said, 'Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
You’re once, twice, three times a lady.
My name? It's Bond. Covalent Bond.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
“If you start drinking now, Thanksgiving could be a lot of fun.” — Conan O’Brien
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
This match sure has me feeling Victori-ous
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
Baby, I am only tempted by two things: you and chocolate.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
I gaze at you in awe,
Your beauty leaves me speechless,
I long for your touch,
And I yearn for your kiss.
I can wait no longer,
I can’t leave my heart on the shelf,
Oh whoops, I’m sorry,
I forgot to introduce myself!
All this lidocaine and I still have feelings for you.
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.
The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
When I'm old and mankey.
I'll never use a hanky.
I'll wee on plants.
and soil my pants!
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
The painting was framed, so the cops arrested it.
"And this is the amputation wing of the hospital. It used to be a lot bigger."
“Monday: nothing a bit of shopping can’t fix.”
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
I hear this house is haunted… we better stick together.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Want to show me how to make steamy greens?
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Hey baby, how many Gamma-ray bursts can your Milky Way take?
"Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one." — Mae West
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Go to BabaMail
