A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
Until I saw you, I didn't believe I'd ever see an arctic fox.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
As for beauty I am not a star,
There are others much more handsome by far.
But my face - I don't mind it,
For I am behind it,
It's the people in front that I jar.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.
It's a complete rip-off.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again. Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
You’re my #1 pick.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.
"Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." —Stephanie Ortiz
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
Hey, if you can’t take the heat, get out of your clothes.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
What do you get when you cross a ghoul with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
"I need summer to be longer so I have more time to do nothing"
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Today I learned that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.
For both, it’s all relative.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
I knew a detective who always wore a cat costume.
One day I asked him why.
He told me "I am always in purrsuit."
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
"If you run 100 miles a week, you can eat anything you want. Why? Because (a) you'll burn all the calories you consume, (b) you deserve it, and (c) you'll be injured soon and back on a restricted diet anyway."
Don Kardong
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin.
Q: Why was the cloud so dark and stormy?
A: It was feeling mis-thunder-stood.
Go to BabaMail
