In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s the most wonderful time of the beer.
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
It is difficult to hold up a trouser. How does Jupiter does it? Simply, with an asteroid belt.
I peed my pants every time I stood in front of my first-grade class to talk.
That's how I lost my teaching license.
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I'd have a cow pie in my eye.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Do you have a tan, or do you always look this hot?
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Are you a cat? Because you look purrrfect!
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
We’re not socks, but we make an excellent pair.
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me.
He's a keeper.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
My weekend is fully booked.
You're hotter than a data center!
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
I like big books and I cannot lie.
Girl, you're such a Banff (i.e., a Bad Ass, Nice, And Fascinating Female).
Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos
She just really needed a shoulder to crayon
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does."
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
Are you the morning bus?
'Cause i always miss you...
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
If you think chewbaccas hairy just wait till you see my wookie.
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Through three cheese trees, three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees’ cheese freeze. That’s what made these three free fleas sneeze.
Go to BabaMail
