How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
“What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!”
Zero lucks given on St. Patrick’s Day.
In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
“What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally sh** myself lifeless.” – Bill Bryson
The closer we came to the alley, the louder the bowling thunder.
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
"I Know You Like Me Best"
Daddy, I know your secret,
That you've tried to keep suppressed,
I promise I won't tell anyone,
But I know you like me best!
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
It's ice to meet you.
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
There are three kinds of people in this world:
Those who can count, and those who can't.
Double bubble gum, bubbles double
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
I’m glad that you’re my mother,
Kind and caring and strong.
Because surely no-one else,
Could have put up with me this long!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
It was pretty foggy outside today.
I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New York?
Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
“Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.” —John Lyon
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Serve up some Dad Jokes at your Father's Day BBQ
Make 'em eat Pop-Corn
We’ll have a ball.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Go to BabaMail
