The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
5 years ago today I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me.
All three said No!
My feelings for you have grown exponentially.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like intellectual companionship.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
You're so hot you melt the elastic in my underwear.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Do you know about April 1st?
Yes, I’m fooly aware of it!
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Ireland is a little lamb-boyant.
Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.
“Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”
- Ed Asner.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Now I know why people love footballers – especially the goalies, they are real keepers.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” - Henry Youngman
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
Is a cowboy with his foot across the Canadian border in Canada?
Just aboot.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
What did Jesus say when he rose from the dead on Easter Sunday?
April Fools! I'm not really dead!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
"A good marriage is like a casserole: Only those responsible for it really know what goes in it." - Unknown
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?
So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.
What do you call a Rabbi who works with solvents?
An acidic Jew.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What’s the capital of France?
The F.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
Now get out there and pick-up your boat race sweetie!
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
If you were a vegetable you'd be a cutecumber.
Go to BabaMail
