Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
I bought an underwater craft in a bright green color.
It's sublime!
Can I hiber-mate with you?
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Cold Ski Pun of the Day: I'm tired of slalom skiing. Alpine over another telemark now.
Chairlift Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, is it really windy up here, or are you just blowing me away?
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football game.
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
Was a bit lonely by myself at home last night on Valentine's Day so I decided to make my own bread.
I was feeling quite kneady
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
Boy, are you Elvis Presley? Because lord almighty I feel my temperature rising
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Baby, you're so sweet you'd put Hershey's out of business!
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Beats.
Beats who?
Beats me.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.”
Abraham Lincoln
"Technology is getting smarter and smarter: smartphones, smartwatches, smart homes… Only people remain stupid no matter what."
- Anna LeMind
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
You’re under arrest for not giving me your number.
When I read Philippians 4:8, I think about you.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I'm homeless.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.”
Bill Murray
I was arrested by the grammar police for not using the full stop correctly.
I am now looking at a long sentence.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's round table?
Sir Cumference.
“Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.’”
“The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”
- John J. Plomp.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
That’s a-may-zing!
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
May I have your number, so we stop being strangers?
Go to BabaMail
