Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it
— Author Unknown
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
"There's no bunny like you."
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Are you as spicy as your artisan hot sauce?
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What do you call a dollar bill frozen in ice?
Cold, hard cash!
What is the most popular flower in France?
Croissanthemums.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
When the ghost watched a sad movie he started boo-hooing.
I told my boyfriend we could watch a dirty movie for his birthday and do what we saw in the video.
He was super excited... until I screwed the pizza guy.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Girl you are rocking this run.
I am a chemist. Want to get together and see the reaction?
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Can I bother you for an aspirin tablet? Just looking at you from across the room is giving me heart-related pains.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
You can shiver my timbers anytime.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
Bobby Bippy bought a bat.
Bobby Bippy bought a ball.
With his bat Bob banged the ball
Banged it bump against the wall
But so boldly Bobby banged it
That he burst his rubber ball
"Boo!" cried Bobby
Bad luck ball
Bad luck Bobby, bad luck ball
Now to drown his many troubles
Bobby Bippy's blowing bubbles.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
Girl you are looking so Jose-fine in those photos
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