My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
You must be related to Nikola Tesla because you're electrifying.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to answer the door?
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
I'm coming out of the closet to tell everyone I was just hired as a seamstress for the theatre.
My wife sent me an article about "sandpaper spouses..."
I told her she must be 2000 grit, 'cause she's FINE!
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Tis the sea-sun.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
what do you need to have proper grammar?
a proper grampar.
Once I tried to paint the sky but I blue it.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I’m feelin’ pine.
I'm an endurance athlete. Think you can stand the HIIT?
I found some internet history from my wife on my computer where she'd typed "how to leave husband". It got me really worried.
How did she find out the password to my computer?
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
If you were a dynamically allocated variable in a C++ program, you'd create a leak. Because I'd never delete you from my life.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog legs?
No, I always walk this way.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila - Four.
Five tequila, six tequila, seven tequila - Floor.
Is there a science room nearby, or am I just sensing chemistry between us?
You've really struck a gourd with me...
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