Hey, I just got my flight number. I’m just missing your phone number.
I followed my heart to you.
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
When you cross a magician and an airplane, the result is a flying sorcerer.
Forget about pumpkin, you’re the only cutie pie I need.
Shave a single shingle thin.
There was a young person called Smarty,
Who sent out his cards for a party.
So exclusive and few,
Were the friends that he knew,
That no one was present but Smarty.
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
My love for you simply radiates.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Can I give you a hug to show you how soft my sweater is?
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Pick-up line: You might as well play be a tennis player, because I’m about to court you girl.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
I can keep increasing the resistance on my bike, but I just can't resist you.
“‘Welcome to winter,’ one said. ‘When fifty percent of drivers should have their licenses temporarily suspended.'” — Kelley Armstrong
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? Sandy Claws!
“The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but still ‘this nonsense.”
– Benjamin Franklin
So, are you the kinda guy to Lu-kiss and tell?
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
I could work with the elves in the ribbon-tying department because I'm a pretty knotty girl.
You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
Hi there, I heard you were looking for something locally grown? How about some organic and 100% locally grown companion?
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
Water you doing, my friend?
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
Can I bother you for an aspirin tablet? Just looking at you from across the room is giving me heart-related pains.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Your name must be Lucky Charms because you’re magically delicious!
The painting was framed, so the cops arrested it.
Here's a raisin. Sorry if it is not enough but I can give you a date on Saturday.
Check your shelf before you wreck your shelf.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
I would ask for Netflix and Chill, but you look like you are into more interactive stories.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
Your eyes glow just like the twin suns on my home planet.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
You met all of my koala-fications
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
If we were binary, you’d be the one for me.
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