Some airplanes are so cramped that at the end of the trip, you suffer jet leg.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys an extra case of beer. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man. Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
Are you that one more chapter? You keep me awake most of the time.
It's only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France;
otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Gladys
Gladys who?
Gladys Friday, finally the weekend starts!
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Can!
Can who?
Can I worm my way in to your house!
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
I find my core strength in you.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
What will you do if you come across a green alien? I’ll simply wait until it’s ripe.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
Girl, it makes sense and sensibility for us to go out.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Six slimy snails sailed silently.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
You are sweeter than 3.14.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
A tree toad loved a she-toad,
Who lived up in a tree.
He was a three-toed tree toad,
But a two-toed toad was she.
The three-toed tree toad tried to win,
The two-toed she-toad's heart,
For the three-toed tree toad loved the ground,
That the two-toed tree toad trod.
But the three-toed tree toad tried in vain.
He couldn't please her whim.
From her tree toad bower,
With her two-toed power,
The she-toad vetoed him.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
Do you be-leaf in magic?
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Go to BabaMail
