Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Why did the artist have to go to the bathroom right away? Because when you gotta Van Gogh, you gotta Van Gogh.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
A man gives his wife an expensive bottle of wine for her birthday. After a few glasses the wife blurts out, “I love you”.
The husband responds: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Wife: “This is me, talking to the wine.”
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
If I were a transplant surgeon, I’d give you my heart.
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
When the ghost went to a fancy restaurant, he decided to wear a boo-tie.
Baby, meeting you was better than an NHL lockout ending.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
A black bloke's back brake-block broke.
“The only yoga stretch I've perfected is the yawn.”
- Grant Tucker.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I am not your first love, but I would love to be the last.
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
I was worried you’d just be a pretty face, but Olivia looks real good to me
"Dear Brother of Mine"
Happy birthday,
dear brother of mine,
You're just a year older,
which is perfectly fine.
There's no reason,
to worry nor stress.
Just relax,
and go play some chess.
I'm not saying,
your birthday should be boring.
You wouldn't want,
your guests to start snoring.
But keep in mind,
this day is all yours.
So forget about,
doing those chores.
Happy birthday,
dear brother of mine.
Enjoy your birthday,
the next one is mine.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. -- Mahatma Ghandi
"I can't make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75." — Rob Delaney
Is it true that you are from China since I’m China get your number?
Air resistance is a real drag.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
You must be Saturn Because I feel attracted to you even when I’m a million miles away!
"In the morning a man walks with his whole body; in the evening, only with his legs."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
Go to BabaMail
