Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
Of all the planets in all the solar systems in all the galaxies, I'm so lucky you walked into mine
"Fun Grandpa"
My grandpa knows, the art of the laugh,
So many jokes, but reveals only half.
We’ll enjoy, those fun random talks,
He makes fun of things, during our walks.
Hilarious moments, he will readily find,
Walk into a wall, and pretend to be blind.
Whenever I see him, he’s sporting a smile,
Mr. Bean had a much better style.
A serious illness, for jokes he will fake,
Moments later, random faces he’ll make.
Seems like grandpa just wants to have fun,
At church, he tried, to pick up a nun.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
I wasn’t sure if I should make the first move… but I was raised to never Jack down from an opportunity
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!
Hey sugar-buns, do you play Center? Wanna be the center of my attention?
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
A witch burnt her butt on a candle.
She was angry. It was such a scandal.
She jumped on her broom
And zoomed to her doom.
Went too fast, so she flew off the handle!
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Hey baby, are you my flight? Because I wish I could catch you.
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower, or vacuum cleaner." – Ben Bergor
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
You're so beautiful, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of you.
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
I'm not anti-social.
I'm just not user friendly.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
Poor white splash.
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
A Dutchman has invented shoes that record how many miles you've walked.
Clever clogs.
I love pressing F5. It's so refreshing.
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
You are as cute and cuddly as a Koala.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
Are you a dentist? Because my heart beats faster when I see you.
Do you climb? Because baby I can be your rock
Go to BabaMail
