Which channels do the asteroids like to watch? The comet-y channel.

What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.

“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.”
- Oscar Wilde

Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration, a guy sticks his location in a girl’s destination, to increase the population for the next generation. Did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?

“I bought a new jacket for a hiking trip. It’s called a trail blazer.”

Brianna-st, on a scale of 1-10, how perfect was that pun?

Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.

I chucked my phone into a very deep lake.
Somehow it's still syncing.

Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.

“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous

Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.

"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter

What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.

Are you the splash-and-dash? Because you've got my heart beating.

Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.

Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.

Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.

Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.

What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!

I'm usually not very prophetic.
But I can see us together.

“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”
Yogi Berra

Did you get lost on your run? Because heaven is a long way from here.

If you were a puck, I'd never shoot. Because I would always miss you.

What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.

What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!

What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.

Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.

What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”

What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.

My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.

My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

We are mint to be.

The huddle is real

How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams

What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.

How does it feel to be the only star in the sky?

What type of magazines do cows read?
Cattlelogs.

Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.

I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.
I don't know why, but they seem shady.

On Halloween night in the year 1804
Costumed as a witch, I knocked on a door
Now it's plain to see
A spell was cast on me
I became a frog, hopping on the floor

Years of Hallowed nights had all passed by
I was growing weary but had to try
to find a Prince to kiss
and the spell I could dis
Not one of the snooty royals would comply

I once sought the lips of a Prince Charming
Until fat frogs appeared to be swarming
All reaching for my lips
Such an apolcalypse
It was disgusting and quite alarming

In 1942 I trick-Or-Treated with Prince Chris
Who refused to smooch. Ah, I reminisce
So, I remained a frog
In a swamp, on a log
Because Chris said he was really a 'miss'

Halloween 2022, and what am I to do?
Over a century I've been sad and blue
A Prince to touch my lips
To stroke my curvy hips
Is there a man who'll kiss me among you?

- by Jenna Logan

How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees

An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.

On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.

What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.

A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".

What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.

Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.