A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage

Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws

Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.

A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.

If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!

What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.

Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?

Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!

I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep

When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.

What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.

Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.

Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.

I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"

What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.

It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!

“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman

Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber on Thursday.

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner

“I’ve drank multiple cups of coffee, and Monday isn’t looking any better. Hey – give me a beer. Let’s see if that helps.”

What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier

In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.

Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.

What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.

The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season
Apparently they never take any shots.

The theoretic turtle started out to see the toad;
He came to a stop at a liberty-pole in the middle of the road.
“Now how, in the name of the spouting whale,” the indignant turtle cried,
“Can I climb this perpendicular cliff, and get on the other side?
If I only could make a big balloon, I’d lightly over it fly;
Or a very long ladder might reach the top, though it does look fearfully high.
If a beaver were in my place, he’d gnaw a passage through with his teeth;
I can’t do that, but I can dig a tunnel and pass beneath.”
He was digging his tunnel, with might and main, when a dog looked down at the hole.
“The easiest way, my friend,” said he, “is to walk around the pole.”

(Amos Russel Wells)

They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.

Join us for plenty of play action.

How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?

Does your dad own a chocolate factory? Because you are as sweet as chocolate.

I changed my password to "incorrect."
So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect."

What do you call two pears?
A pair.

What happens if the Grim Reaper spikes the ball? You have to dig your own grave.

Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!

“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown

Brianna-st, on a scale of 1-10, how perfect was that pun?

Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.

I’m not lion when I say you’re my mane.

Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.

What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.

Don’t be a wet noodle – join us!

“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”

What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!

I need to stop being such a numbskull.

Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!