Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Apart from being a running gear model, what do you do for a living?
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Oh wow sorry – I just got l’Austin your eyes.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Italy!
Italy who?
Italy all over in the morning.
Is there a fireman around? Because you are smoking hot.
I stretched out my hamstrings, but every time I see you, I feel a tug at my heartstrings
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
Want to practice speaking in tongues with me?
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
Why do native Americans hate the snow?
Because it is white and settles all over their land.
If you really want to get a date at a restaurant, it’s always nice to cut to the cheese.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Me and my friend were going to a costume party. He told me he was coming as a small island off the coast of Italy.
I said don’t be Sicily.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
You don’t look like such a proper noun to me.
“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”
– Bill Watterson
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”—Melanie White
"Just looking on the sunny side."
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
Copernicus was wrong, you are the center of my universe.
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