I’m considering a modulation… Because I want to come up to your level
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
"Just looking on the sunny side."
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
Anne of Green Gables? More like Anne of Green Babeles.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
I heard kissing is the language of love so...
Do you wanna start a conversation?
I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
That’s a bit mulch.
My wife accused me of being a transvestite.
So I packed her things and left.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Behind every successful man is an exhausted woman.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me young...
I could buy a lollipop.
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
There was a Young Lady whose chin,
Resembled the point of a pin.
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.
The other day I told a joke about an armored vehicle with a rotating gun turret.
It tanked.
Sedimentary rock has got nothing on the many layers of your amazing personality.
What type of car does a cowboy drive?
Audi partner.
Go to BabaMail
