For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
“The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.”
Scott Adams
Would you mind loaning me a quarter? I want to call my mother and tell her I just met the woman of my dreams.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
What does the sun drink out of?
Sunglasses!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
Are you a can of bear spray? ‘Cause you really spice things up around here.
What did the mommy dolphin do when her son was an hour late for dinner?
She flipped out!
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
I thought I’d surprise my girlfriend for her birthday.
Her: “What are you doing? And why are you shirtless?”
Me: *smiles and nods*
Her: “And you’re covered in… baby oil?”
Me: “Well, you know how you always said I never glisten?”
Her: “Listen. You never listen.”
Me: “Ohhhhhh..”
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
How were these puns about puns?
They were pun-questionably pun-fortunate!
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
"Don't ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn't fall in love, I rose in it."
― Toni Morrison, Jazz
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.
I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Excuse me, could you point me toward the Self-Help section? I need some advice on how to approach a gorgeous guy in a bookstore without seeming creepy.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
I red a joke about colors once.
It blue my mind.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“Ugh it’s so hot!’…gets hit by two drops of pool water ‘splash me again and I’ll donate all your toys.’”
- Salty Mermaid.
What do you call a dad joke about skeletons?
A skele-pun!
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
"You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." — Melanie Clark
Frankenstein wasn’t very compliant.
He was mad and annoyed and defiant.
But he happened to pass
Anger management class —
And turned into The Jolly Green Giant!
I love you from my head tomatoes.
Boy, are you Elvis Presley? Because lord almighty I feel my temperature rising
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Go to BabaMail
