You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to use a condom?
People are always after me lucky charms.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I used to be a boy trapped in a woman’s body. But after 9 long months, I was finally born!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Synonym rolls: just like grammar used to make.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse?
Brothel sprouts.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
The snowman's favorite side dish is iceberg salad.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
Girl, are you fries? Because I would like you at my side.
Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious,
shove a foreign object up my butt and film the whole thing!
Or as my doctor insists on calling it... a colonoscopy
As the birds fly south
I make reservations to
Go to Florida.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What was Moses' favorite color?
Red, see?
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
To stretch her legs.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
What do you think is a frog’s favorite summertime treat?
Hopsicles!
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Do you have a name you want me to save you as on my phone or should I just put 'mine'?
I wood never leaf you.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
Because 6, 7, 8.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?
His name was Only One Cannoli.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
Do you wanna go to a restaurant?
You can't spell “menu” without me and u.
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