After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What happens when you die after Thanksgiving?
You go to Gravy Jones' Locker
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
I'm acorn-y person.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
There was an Old Man of the South,
Who had an immederate mouth;
But in swallowing a dish,
That was quite full of fish,
He was choked, that Old Man of the South.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
No one likes eating outside in the winter.
It’s frost come, frost served.
My dear, I love you so much it hurts,
I ache to be close to you.
My heart beats wildly out my chest,
Without you I’m so sad and blue.
I’m dizzy with love, I fear being apart,
And despite the pain, I’ve got to say,
Please tell me that you know CPR, my dear,
Because you’ve taken my breath away.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the castle keep swearing?
It had turrets.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
What do you call it when pigs attack you?
A hambush.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
When do you know a joke is a dad joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Hey, you can r’Eli on me to be a fun date
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What’s it like to kiss a vampire?
A real pain in the neck!
How about I land my space shuttle in your International Space Station?
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
Did they over chlorinate the pool today or is it you making my head spin?
To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock in a pestilential prison with a life-long lock, awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock from a cheap and chippy chopper with a big, black block.
An Iranian entrepreneur opened a copy shop.
It's called *Prints of Persia*.
"I'm eggs-hausted."
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
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